Thoughts

Sometimes when I listen to people talk about their absolute faith in God, their supreme sense of peace, their total ability to cede control of their lives - I find it very difficult to believe. Do these people never have doubts? Do they never struggle with questions...why? when? what if? Or do they have a supernatural ability to let go?

There are times when I think this attitude of complete acceptance gets in the way of true communication and burden-sharing. How do you open your heart to someone who has it all together? I don't want to be judged. I don't want to be told what I'm doing wrong or how I'm falling short. I don't want to be compared to someone else and found lacking.

I was thinking about this the other night because I was angry with God. (What's new?) As I tried to figure out the cause of my anger, I realized it wasn't Him. I had been listening to explanations, expectations and outcomes that caused me to question God. As I sat and wrestled with my thoughts, it occurred to me that none of the things I was arguing about were things HE said. They were things people said ABOUT Him. I was angry at Him when He had nothing to do with it. I allowed lies or misdirection to settle in my brain.

"If you did this, then He would..."

"If you accepted this, then He would..."

There really aren't a lot of "if/then"s in the Bible other than if you accept Him then He will save you. Otherwise there's no Hallmark card that says, "If you do__________, God will respond by taking away all your pain, doubts, hurts, struggles." It doesn't work that way. To feel guilty, like I'm doing something wrong, might be playing right into Satan's hands. To feel angry, like God has failed me, is definitely doing so.

Aaaaah...so much to think about and pray about. Refocus my gaze, retune my ears, renew my mind, restore my heart.